Sunday, August 9, 2009

xBlog® MAF of Sibu East District - Our Visit to MAF of Huai Ang Methodist Church

xBlog® MAF of Sibu East District - Our Visit to MAF of Huai Ang Methodist Church


MAF of Sibu East District - Our Visit to MAF of Huai Ang Methodist Church

Posted: 09 Aug 2009 05:47 AM PDT

It was Sword Practice on the book of Ecclesiastes at MAF of Huai Ang Methodist Church on the evening of August 8. As usual, we brought along our caring hearts.

We were warmly received by the brothers and sisters upon arrival. It was touching and they truly made us feel homely.

It was an eye-opening Sword Practice on Ecclesiastes. You may call their way of conducting innovative.

We were treated to fried mee hoon, fried noodles and green bean soup after the fellowship gathering. The hospitality was heart-warming.

Thank you, brothers and sisters, for your excellent reception.

We posed for a group photo after the tea reception. Wow! It was all thumbs up! Rev Tai is 7th from right on the first row and James Lau is 3rd from left on the second row. James Lau is my long-time friend.


PM, PM, QUITE CONTRARY, HOW WILL SELANGOR GROW?

Posted: 09 Aug 2009 02:15 AM PDT

Do you know? Have you heard? It's out in the open, my friend and dear blog reader, all over cyberspace today!!! Consider the following headlines.

MALAYSIAKINI : Najib : I want Selangor back

The Malaysian Insider : Najib wants Selangor back in BN's clutches

The Star : PM : Barisan wants Selangor back

The New Straits Times : PM Najib wants Selangor back with BN

The battle lines have been drawn! The writing is on the wall. The trumpet call for battle has been sounded and the landmines have been planted. What will happen next?

After reading the various versions of the declaration, as a concerned citizen, I am particularly concerned about the following statements extracted from The Malaysian Insider (by the way, all the media mentioned carried the same report released by Bernama and the only difference was in the headline):

There is also a need for Umno and component parties to work together based on the spirit of consensus, he said.

"This is my hope... my message is, if we want to win, let's act in a way that allows us to win. Let's not say we want to win but court defeats in our deeds," said Najib, who is also Selangor Umno chief.

Najib, who is Pekan member of parliament, also spoke of what he called the "Pekan Formula" which saw him rising in the political arena to become the prime minister and party president.

Najib said he implemented numerous changes after his narrow victory in Pekan in the 1999 general election, where he won by a mere 241-vote majority.

He said many felt that his political career was nearing an end but he nevertheless stood by the Pekan parliamentary seat even though he could choose to contest in safer seats in subsequent elections.

He said he began analysing the situation in a realistic manner and implement changes based on his sincere observation.

"We must be able to read the situation correctly... we must listen to the voices and aspirations of the people.

"If it's a black area, we don't say it's a grey area. If it's a grey area, we don't say it's a white area," he said.

In the following election, he won by a thumping majority of 22,922 votes and last year, the winning margin increased to 26,464 votes.

The prime minister said leaders should go down to the grassroots, keep their promises, work for the people and not for their clique and be sincere in discharging their duties.

He said it was important for leaders to be sincere as this would determine whether they could get the extra support from the people. Leaders who failed to keep their promises would lose the support of the people, he said.

"When that happens, they can only become the people's representatives for one term," he said

Najib said it was important for the party to listen to the voices of the people so that it could translate them into policies, otherwise there would be a disconnect between the policies and the people's aspirations.

When policies were in line with the people's hopes, aspirations and expectations, they would readily support the government, he said.

He also said that the BN should be seen as a party with less problems.

This was not the case among opposition parties which were prone to clashing every now and then, said Najib. Unlike the opposition pact, the prime minister said, the BN had proven that it could unite its component parties.

He also said that the BN should be fair to the people in line with the 1 Malaysia concept.

"Being fair to all races is required in Islam and if Umno is fair to all, it will be respected by them," he said.

The report released by Bernama has prompted me to ask a few questions:

1. Does a spirit of consensus REALLY exist within the BN component parties or is this a failed vision?

2. I wonder what he meant by this statement:

"This is my hope... my message is, if we want to win, let's act in a way that allows us to win. Let's not say we want to win but court defeats in our deeds," said Najib, who is also Selangor Umno chief.

The phrase that I highlighted above is most worrying. I need not say more. Just think of the chain of events in the past few months.

3. I am really intrigued by this PEKAN FORMULA that was mentioned in the news release.

After reading the report many times, I would like to make the following observations:

a. What is this PEKAN FORMULA? Dear PM, please share with us how it enabled you to win Pekan and I am sure, this would benefit all BN assemblymen.

b. Why is it that this PEKAN FORMULA, if indeed it is SO POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE, had never ever mentioned BEFORE the declaration at the Kuala Selangor Umno delegates' meeting here today? Why wasn't this PEKAN FORMULA used in any of the by-election campaigns that BN lost? It would have helped BN to reclaim lost territory!!!

Personally, I opine that it is NOT a good analogy to be used for taking back Selangor because the circumstances are different and I need not delve into the why's and how's of something that is so obvious even to the birds flying in the sky.

From the news release, one can conclude that this misty PEKAN FORMULA was a plan to:

a) help him to become the Prime Minister and UMNO Party President
b) help him to win the Pekan seat even though he could have contested in safer seats

So dear PM, do explain to us in detail how this wonderful PEKAN FORMULA will help BN to regain Selangor.

In the Bernama news release, the PM declared, " "We must be able to read the situation correctly... we must listen to the voices and aspirations of the people."

Interesting - a very encouraging statement, indeed.

Well, according to the IKDN poll, a huge majority of people WANT the ISA to be abolished.
Will our PM and the leaders listen to our voice and our aspiration????

Many want a change in the leadership for the PDRM (please check THIS LINK).
Will our dear PM and leaders listen to our voice and our aspiration where this is concerned? We can only hope and pray for the best...the rest is up to him.

The PM said leaders should:

* go down to the grassroots

My question is have the leaders really done that?

Who is monitoring this?

What will happen to leaders who DO NOT do this?

* keep their promises

A very good example is the declaration he made today. Will our PM keep to his declaration of LISTENING to the VOICE and ASPIRATION OF THE PEOPLE e.g. in the PPSMI issue, ISA issue etc.? We have to wait and see what he will do about this.

* work for the people and not for their clique

Can the PM explain to the rakyat why MACC seems to have been blind to the public outcry for former Selangor MB to be investigated regarding his palatial home? If this is NOT addressed, how can BN even talk about taking back Selangor???? The people will not have confidence in BN if certain people seem to have special immunity even when they receive a lot of flak from the community at large.

But then again, the PM is a very powerful person and I am certain that with a telephone call, he can direct the correct personnel to address these pressing issues.

* be sincere in discharging their duties

What will happen to those who are not?

Who is keeping a tab on those leaders/assemblymen who are not sincere? What will happen to them?

Another example would be the inertia of the police when they saw the stains on the stairs etc, will they be hauled for questioning for their lackadaisical response?

What about the lack of visitor records at MACC, the delay in making public the death of TBH, the case of the missing handphine that was actually in the hands of MACC?

There are far too many discrepancies in many cases in Selangor which are far too unsettling and must be addressed and put right - then only can public confidence in BN be restored and then only can they reclaim Selangor. But will this happen? The ball is in their court.

It is good to have such mission statements but BN has to move beyond rhetoric and show the rakyat that they will really serve the rakyat before dreaming about taking back Selangor.

I applaud the PM for saying this:

He also said that the BN should be fair to the people in line with the 1 Malaysia concept.

"Being fair to all races is required in Islam and if Umno is fair to all, it will be respected by them," he said.

Very wise words and truly an excellent concluding remark to his speech. But pray tell, dear PM - can there be fairness in the selective way in which some media are rapped whilst nothing happens to others who consistently and continuously publish questionable articles?

Until today, many wonder why no action was taken against Utusan Malaysia pubished a questionable article in page 10 of Utusan entitled 'Melayu jangan jadi bacul' (Malays, don't be cowards) on August 4th that ruffled many feathers.

Among others, the author also pointed out how some quarters were fanning racist issues to create 'anger and hatred' among the people towards whatever authority that lies in the hands of the Malays.

It is highly likely that if it had been any other newspaper that had published an article of the same nature, the situation would have been very different as not only the writer likely to have been arrested by the police and charged for racist incitement and sedition and the newspaper concerned would have been banned immediately. A good example would be the gutsy Sin Chew Daily senior journalist Tan Hoon Cheng makes Internal Security Act (ISA) history for being detained for the shortest period under the infamous detention-without-trial law – less than 20 hours for what she reported in a four-paragraph straight reporting of a speech by Umno Bukit Bendera division chairman Datuk Ahmad Ismail in the Permatang Pauh by-election ceramah on August 23 2008 referring to the Chinese in Malaysia as "penumpang"!

Who can provide answers as to why:

a) the MACC raids the offices of PR assemblymen and question others for hours on end when those in BN do not get the same regal treatment or attention?
b) there are so MANY issues plaguing SELANGOR unlike other states (with the exception of Perak and to a certain extent Penang) have no major issues when being ruled by PR?
c) the PKFZ scandal exists and whether or not the authorities will get to the bottom of the case and whether action will be taken to punish the guilty parties?

I am sure the rakyat of Selangor are very concerned and worried about how their beloved state will grow in the light of such turbulent events.

Can the government be fair to all as claimed in the closing part of his speech? I am sure our PM can do it as all are answerable to him. All it takes is for him to give the directive and the policy will be enforced upon approval by the Cabinet.

In the mean time, we will have to wait for more answers and clarification by our dear PM. But we have to be very patient because these days, the PM makes a statement while other Ministers say otherwise.

PM, PM, quite contrary,

Where will Selangor go?

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"Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary" is a popular English nursery rhyme. The rhyme has been seen as having religious and historical significance, but its origins and meaning are disputed. It has a Roud Folk Song Index number of 19626.

Mistress Mary, Quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With Silver Bells, And Cockle Shells,
And so my garden grows.



Walking? = Demo? = Riot Control? & There aint no pleasin' some Neighbours!

Posted: 09 Aug 2009 03:52 AM PDT

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go on & throw whatever brickbats you like. Today Aunty is active in her left brain so I am gonna gitsomethingsoffamychest. And Y'all know my policy on MY blog. I just delete comments at will. Yeah.
So here goes.

Topic 1 - Walking? = Demo? = Riot Control?
Many righteous Msians have come out to write about what an f**king inconvenience the jam protesters had caused last Saturday. Lotsa Moolahs were lost by "idiots" Just that I ain't too sure who the idiots are.

Take the 1 & only upclose&personal of a protest I witnessed.
Last year while smack in the middle of Berlin's busiest road, The Kur'dam at 9am on a Monday I heard whistles & shouting through my supposedly double glazed hotel windows. Saw a few hundred flag waving people. Got excited. Whipped out the camera. Maybe it's a Riot???

Hmmm..somethin' wrong here folks. There were only a few measly isolated police on bikes escorting them protesters. Hundreds of them protesters & maybe 5 police? Them protesters waved flags with signs in German reading "Justice & Fairness to the Workers of xxx"
Uncle hardly roused himself from bed for this. He told me these protesters are from a union. (And if you know Germany, they have more unions than there are ants on a rambutan tree)

Everyone looked relaxed. Even jovial. And I mean, including the Police. Took the few hundred people like 20 minutes strolling past our hotel till they were out of sight. NO Baton in sight. No water canon. No one in riot gear. I have seen more "action" at the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade in NYC.

Seems such walks by the hundreds are the norm, & the job of enforcement is to provide guidance to walkers to walk in a certain direction (I guess as pre-agreed), & also to guide traffic away from the walkers. Sorry lah I gawked in open mouthed astonishment.

My mother was right. Westerners are way too liberal!

Topic 2: There ain't no pleasing the Neighbours
Guarded communities seems to be de riguer if one doesn't want to have their head bashed in by intruders or their handbags snatched in front of their homes. There is NO safe neighbourhood in ALL of of Malaysia. HECK! Even Kuantan or KT's or Kijal have their share of high crime rates!

Achah! Dun ask me what the heck the Polis is doin', k? I feel our finest have already worked more then their fair share last Friday & Saturday in KL.

So back to guarded community & guards. I dunno too much about guarded (gated?) communities cause I don't live in one. I have been told I am the only unlucky one with the record number of break-ins during the past 3 years here.
That is, other than the ho-hum usual snatch thefts or 3 or 5, the usual 2 or 5 windscreens bashed in, the even more ho-hum annual clean-up of a house or 2 by burglars & that one or 2 times someone was nearly snatched into a car.
So in other words, in my community, we ain't at that danger point yet. Unless someone gets slashed or murdered. We can afford to wait somemore here.

But it would also appear that not everyone is THAT concerned about their neighbour's homes being broken into, or that their neighbours are being bashed in. "Not me mah!"

Because if people were at all concerned, they sure show it in strange ways. I can hardly believe it when I read letters & articles recently from people complaining that their "freedom" are being taken away in their gated neighbourhood.

Yes. You didn't pay, so you don't get a sticker & that's resulting in the guards stopping to ask you to stop each time you use the road. It's their job to stop anyone for the safety of all concerned.

Yes. You didn't pay, but don't you feel better & safer now that you can actually walk around your neighbourhood without fear of your head being bashed in?
Yes. You didn't want the security because your house has never been broken into in the last 40 years you've lived there.

But haven't you heard that thieves don't care who they slash or steal from? You mean you can guarantee that nobody will ever invade your home just cause it looks like a dump? What? You don't care that there may be a real & present danger to the females, the young & the very old in your household?

Methinks some resentment may come from real "prudent" people.

They resent that old homes are sold to newbies who redo the houses making them fancy & thereby "attracting" robbers - "So whose fault is it hah?"

But look at it this way Mr(s) "Prudent". The rejuvenation of your neighbourhood just means that ulitmately the value of your property goes up - thanks to newbies showing others the "potential" in doing up an old home.

Funny how everyone wants the price of their asset to be unrealistically high when they sell, & yet expect that the price of another asset they wanna buy to be even more unrealistically low

Funny how people are selfish. I had someone tell me that's why they never will renovate their leakin', fallin', crackin' home. This way nobody knows they are well off. WELL! Whaddaya say to THAT?


Rule of Politics

Posted: 09 Aug 2009 04:55 AM PDT

Jeff Ooi: 'I never insulted Islam and have withdrawn statement'And I quote from an old but very popular BBC sitcom "Yes, Minister", "The first rule of politics: never believe anything until it's been officially denied." Hopefully that is not the case here in our Jeff versus JIM saga.The Star Online, inter-alia, quoted Jeff Ooi as follows;"The parties which publicly label me as


STAGES OF LEARNING TO SAY 'NO'

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 09:01 PM PDT

I decided to post this in tandem with the current "SAY 'NO' TO ISA" climate. It is not easy to make a stand for what we believe in as can be seen by what happened on August 1st but we have to stand up and to be brave in this case for so many reasons which have been discussed widely in cyberpace. More importantly, let us go beyond just saying 'No' but to look for opportunities to move peacefully to persuade the government to abolish this law. If you still have not voted in the IKDN poll, please go to THIS LINK and vote. Thanks.

This article is very good in teaching us how to be assertive in the right way and the stages in which we need to go through when we assert our right to say "NO". Please leave a comment if you wish. Thanks and have a nice day.
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STAGES OF LEARNING TO SAY 'NO' written by Donna Birk

One of the most important skills we can learn that will help us manage and fulfill our priorities is to say "No." Once we get there, it becomes easier and easier, but initially it can be extremely awkward and unpopular with others. Knowing the stages we'll go through can help us realize that what's happening is natural and that its not just that we can't seem to do it.

Stage 1: Identifying Opportunities

In this initial stage we have identified our need to learn to say "No" and have made it a goal. What happens is that we start to identify opportunities that have already past where we could have and should have said "No." We may easily be able to relate to this stage. Most of us at one time or another have said to ourselves or someone else "I never should have agreed to do this." It's that regretful feeling that we didn't take the chance when we had it. This is an important stage in the process, though, since it instills within us the negative experiences that can result from not having said "No." When enough of those build up, we move on to the next stage.

Stage 2: Backing Up

This next stage of learning and practicing saying "No" is the most difficult. What actually happens is that we continue to say "Yes," but decide later that we really should have said "No." We get up the courage to make it right, go back to the other person and tell them we've changed our mind. We may feel uncertain, uncomfortable, embarrassed, unsure of ourselves, and not fully believe that what we're trying to do is the right thing. Responses from others who let us know that we've let them down, we're going back on your promise, or what will they do now certainly contribute to the discomfort we feel within this stage. We also, however, begin feeling intense moments of relief, self-confidence, and pride in ourselves. This is a stage where we seem to need the most reassurance that we're on the right track. Bear with it, because it will be well worth it! When these positive experiences begin to have more impact than the discomfort, we move on to the next stage.

Stage 3: Doing the Right Thing at the Right Time

Within this stage, we have arrived at a place where we are able to say no at the right time: immediately. Again, this stage can be somewhat uncomfortable, but much of the discomfort, fear, and lack of confidence from the last stage has minimized dramatically. Because we are human beings who have feelings, we may never completely be rid of some sense of guilt or discomfort, but it will continue to have less and less of an impact on us.

No matter what stage you are in or if you've just decided to start learning to say "No," use this information to reassure yourself that you're not alone, you're not crazy, and you're not a bad person because you say "No" to someone. None of us are any good to anyone else unless we do what is right for us first.

Author's Bio
Donna Birk is a writer, trainer, coach, and Licensed Social Worker. She founded and operates People Builders, "Where Your Growth Is Our Goal." Get a FREE goal setting guide and FREE E-zine at her website: http://www.youcangetitdone.com


Elak homoseksual, onani cegah H1N1

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 10:11 PM PDT

KUALA LUMPUR: Kegiatan homoseksual dan onani perlu dielakkan kerana ia adalah langkah pencegahan yang boleh diambil oleh seseorang bagi mengelakkan jangkitan Influenza A(H1N1), kata seorang pengamal terapi pelengkap Dr VM Palaniappan.

Katanya, apabila seseorang itu terbabit dalam kegiatan itu tubuh badan seseorang lelaki atau wanita akan menghasilkan geseran haba yang mengeluarkan asid menyebabkan peningkatan keasidan dalam tubuh dan oleh itu boleh menjadi sasaran yang mudah bagi jangkitan H1N1.

Bagaimanapun, hubungan kelamin yang normal antara pasangan berlainan jenis adalah selamat.

Dr Palaniappan yang juga bekas Profesor Madya Ekologi di Universiti Malaya telah mengarang beberapa buah buku dalam bidang terapi pelengkap yang diteroka beliau yang dipanggil sistem penyembuhan secara ekologi.

Dr Palaniappan memberitahu Bernama sepanjang 33 tahun kajiannya mendapati bahawa kadar keasidan yang tinggi di dalam tubuh menyebabkan daya tahan tubuh akan hilang menyebabkan semakin ramai orang mudah terdedah kepada jangkitan virus seperti Influenza A(H1N1).

Oleh itu, bagi mencegah keasidan itu adalah perlu untuk mengambil makanan dan minuman beralkali bagi meneutralkan lebihan asid di dalam badan.

Beliau mengesyorkan orang ramai mengambil minuman beralkali seperti air kelapa yang boleh digunakan sebagai ubatan herba bagi mencegah H1N1.

Sebagai contoh, beliau berkata mereka yang berasa demam dan mengalami rasa bahang semasa membuang air besar dan kecil kerana keasidan yang melampau boleh dineutralkan dengan meminum air kelapa selama dua kali sehari selama tiga hari.

Beliau juga mengesyorkan buah limau, lemon dan limau bali walaupun ia mengandungi asid sitrik tetapi masih kaya dengan potasium yang boleh menghasilkan urin beralkali yang dengan itu tidak menganggu ketahanan badan.

Dr Palaniappan berkata, kegiatan jasmani yang berlebihan seperti larian maraton perlu dielakkan kerana ia menghasilkan asid disebabkan kegiatan metabolik berlebihan.

Begitu juga dengan berjaga sehingga lewat malam tanpa tidur secukupnya dan bekerja tidak berhenti-henti tanpa rehat secukupnya boleh meningkatkan keasidan badan yang akan menurunkan ketahanan dan menyebabkan tubuh badan mudah terdedah kepada serangan virus.

Dr Palaniappan mempunyai laman blog di alamat http://ecohealingsystem.blogspot.com/ yang membincangkan terapi itu secara lebih mendalam.


Bro Rick Says....
Jangan ler beronani ok...bahaya-bahaya.....



Da Guruji Rulezzz!!!

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 09:58 PM PDT

I'm speechless.

[Source]

Via.


Tamila Tamila….Our Unity, Our Strength

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 09:24 PM PDT

I'm dedicating this cool song to all Tamils…. let's unite and rock the world…

"Where there is unity there is always victory." - Publilius Syrus

Share This


Sabah shining example of racial harmony

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 08:38 PM PDT

The people of Sabah should be proud that the state has been a shining example of racial harmony and unity.

Foreign Minister Datuk Anifah Aman said the unity among the various communities is reflective of the 1Malayasia concept and it brought victory for the Barisan Nasional in the last general election.

"No one can deny that Sabah has contributed to the overall victory of the BN apart from Sarawak.

"This is the success of the people and so they should uphold the concept. Do not allow the opposition to cause a split," he said when opening the Umno Kimanis delegates meeting here yesterday.

Anifah who is also Kimanis MP and Umno Kimanis divisional chief added that the street demonstrations by Pakatan Rakyat was not a Malaysian culture but what happened proved that the opposition attempted to show that this was something common.

"The street demonstrations by the opposition create a negative view and deter foreign investors," he pointed out.

Anifah also said their actions affected the country's economy and when the economy failed, the people would have to suffer the consequences.

"Such a culture should not be emulated in the state and Umno Kimanis will not allow any street demonstration here in Kimanis," he added.

On the Pakatan's call for the ISA to be abolished, he said they wanted the Act to be abolished so that they could do anything they like such as carrying out street demonstrations.

Anifah said the people should understand that the ISA was meant to maintain security and peace for the country and people.

"When I was abroad, I was asked why there were no incidents of bombings, among others, in Malaysia and I answered that we have laws like the ISA to detain those who try to create chaos…those who are a threat to national security," he said.

Also present yesterday were Membakut Assemblyman Datuk Arifin Arif, Bongawan Assemblyman Datuk Karim Bujang and Umno Sepanggar divisional chief Jumat Idris.

At the function, the Umno Kimanis division also distributed assistance to Kimanis students who did well in the UPSR, PMR, SPMand STPM.


Philippines embassy officer found dead

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 08:37 PM PDT

A Philippines Embassy official was found bludgeoned to death at his Casaria Apartment home in Taman Maluri, Cheras here yesterday.

Finardo Cabilao, 50, who sustained head injuries, was sprawled face up when a police team arrived at his unit about 11.30am.

The police were alerted of the gruesome find by embassy personnel who had failed to contact him on Friday.

Cheras police deputy chief Supt Abdul Rahim Othman said there was no sign of struggle at the unit which had traces of blood.

"He may have been hit on the head by a blunt object," he told reporters here yesterday.

Abdul Rahim said the victim's personal belongings like camera and mobile phone were left untouched, adding that the police would trace calls made by Cabilao on his mobile phone to facilitate investigations.

Meanwhile, Foreign Minister Datuk Anifah Aman conveyed the ministry's condolences to Cabilao's family and the embassy, saying it would render the necessary assistance.


H1N1: Its 18 Already

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 08:08 PM PDT

Seems the statistics is rising. The Star today report the figure has gone to 18 with three new victims. This can be alarming.

How serious are we taking precautions?

I flew into Miri last month and in flight all passengers were given health declaration form for H1N1 to be filled. I believe all passengers filled their form. At Miri airport nobody was there to collect the forms. No health department staffs. All passengers walk through with the health declaration form with them. So it means the situation is NOT serious.

A few days later news reported that there are H1N1 cases in Miri and a school closed for quarantine purpose.

Flew back to KL through LCCT. No health declaration forms were given on board to be filled despite passengers flying in from Miri that has positive cases of H1N1. Passengers walk through without any health screening. Is there actually any screening done at entry points? My experience tells me that there in none (at LCCT) because I don't see any health personnel around.

WHO ARE IN HIGH RISK GROUPS?

Those in the high-risk group with symptoms of the Influenza-like illness (IU) should get assess ed immediately (preferably within two days of onset of the IU) by ANY doctor either in a government or private hospital/clinic. The ILI is defined as a sudden onset of fever with temperature >38 degree Celsius, cough and sore throat, in the absence of other diagnosis.

Those considered to be high-risk group category include:

  • Children younger than five years old
  • Persons aged 65 years and older
  • Children and adolescents ( <18>
  • Pregnant women
  • Adults and children with asthma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, organ failure, obesity, cardiovascular disease and hepatic, heamatological, neurologic, neuromuscular or metabolic disorders such as Diabetes Mellitus
  • Adults and children who suffer from Immuno deficiency disorders
  • Residents of nursing homes and other chronic care facilities.
A reader wrote in a local paper recently that H1N1 virus is not airborne. The virus remain in the air for a short while only and will deposit itself on objects nearby. So if it is not airborne then will wearing the mask is the best protection. We always hear advice to wash our hands especially after leaving the loo and before eating but since the spread of H1N1, we are also advice to do so after shaking hands with someone. I think this advice has something to do with the H1N1 virus that is not an airborne virus. (NB: this my perception) So now the best thing to do is after being in contact with anything suspicious, is not to rub the hands on the eyes, nose and mouth. Within a short distance, the virus (if present) will be easily infecting the the vulnerable organs (remember flu, cough and sore throat). Read also HERE.


WTF is this Guy?

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 07:48 PM PDT

Women of a certain vintage are always more prudent than young grapes still fresh on the vine. We are also more immune from deceptions & false compliments. At least I'd like to think so.

Yesterday I received a mail from this guy in my facebook. Wanting to know me SERIOUSLY. Because? I dunno this chap. I suspect he's fishing for lonely females. However I did state I am married in my profile. No wonder some women fall prey. He is handsome. But like I tell Uncle, this guy's the age of my son; IF I had any.

Little does "Lance" know that compliments are worth dittly-s**t to women in my age group. We know better than to think we are "beautiful" if some stranger said that. Heck! He would do better to write "You look mature" & I'd be more likely to believe him.

Anyhoos Ladies. Watch out for this "Lance Ortega". He smells, looks & feels like a scam artist.





Europe Here I Come - The Final Part

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 09:53 PM PDT

The Last Days In Europe
Our last few days in Europe was spent in London. We have done the city with Wan Hulaimi as our guide and we were extremely happy with his performance. After 3 years at the job and with almost 30 years of living in London, Wan Hulaimi is more than capable to do the job with information flowing like an encyclopaedia. Awang Goneng as he is known in the blogsphere, did his research well.
It was a free day on our last day in London. POTO travel had kept the slot free for us to do our own things in London. For those who were keen to explore the seedy side of London's Soho, they had ample time to see it.
My friend Nick Habgood of Azini Capital came over to the hotel to have breakfast with me. Who would ever think that a Pak Zawi from faraway Pasir Mas, Kelantan would have such a friend in London? It was a first meeting after knowing each other via the internet. Nick looked dashing and trim in a white shirt and greyish tie. A fine specimen of a fit and healthy person who loves to cycles. Nick will be holidaying in Italy on a biking tour at the end of the year.
Nick left us to go back to his office so we said our goodbyes and he took the tube. Even for a Londoner, Nick had to carry along a printed map of tube routes and location of our hotel prepared by his secretary. How convenient things are with the internet.

How Pak Zawi would wish to have a body like Nick. Some 20 years ago, Pak Zawi may have some semblance of that look.
We had requested Puan Zainida to arrange an outing to Madamme Tussaud. This is the beautiful side of Puan Zainida from POTO Travel, she willingly obliged. Here she is collecting money to buy the ticket to Madamme Tussaud.

We bought the tickets at the hotel counter at a discount of 5 pounds each. Despite the discount we still had to pay 22.5 pounds (RM135). Do you think you would pay such a price to visit a wax museum in Malaysia?
We walked to the tube satation quite a distance from our hotel. Again Puan Zainida bought group tickets for us.
Can't remember exactly how much the ride costs us.

The group entering the tube station.

We just follow the herds.

Ample signages. We constantly checked to see that we were on the right platform.

The train arrived.

Here I am infron of Madam Tussaud somewhere near Baker Station. I have to remember that station lest we get split and had to go back on our own.

Tell me which is the wax model?

How about these two? Would you make the mistake of thinking the man is the wax model?

The wife was so happy to have a picture with a singer, any singer will do.

My friend haji Fuad posed with the wax model of one of the most expensive actress in the world, commanding USD24,000,000 for the movie Mona Lisa Smile, Julia Roberts. As of this writing Reese Witherspoon is on top spot grossing a whopping USD29,000,000.

Just look at the crowd in one of the halls of Madamme Tussaud.

The other half found her heartthrob Salman Khan from Bollywood.
Even the wife a Pee Em was overwhelmed by the presence of Shah Rukh Khan, what more if it was my wife. This is the nearest she could get close to him, a wax model.

Now you know why I won't date western film stars, they are just too tall for me.

Whoopie Goldberg doesn't seem to attract much crowd. She was always available to be photographed with.

You have to be a bit agressive to have a chance to photograph yourself with The Incredible Hulk, there were just too many people waiting to place themselves in the clutches of the hulk.

I told Ava Gardner to go easy on the ciggarettes. Mentioned to her that Government of Malaysia always reminded the people of Malaysia that smoking is bad for health. I doubt that she heard me.
Aha! Lewis Hamilton the F1 Champion of Team Mclaren-merceds. I wonder whether his dad was around in Madamme Tussaud too.

The tennis legend Boris Becker. He is so tall. no wonder he could serve aces so easily.

Boxing geat, Muhamad Ali in his heydays. How else can I get close to him. Thanks to Madamme tussaud.

We didn't meet her Majesty the Queen when we visited Buckingham Palace. Our Guide Wan Hulaimi told us we could meet her at Madamme Tussaud. Here she was in finest regalia accomapnied by her husband Prince Phillip, The Duke of Edinburgh. The royal couple was gracious enough to have their photograph taken with my wife maintaining a discreet distance form the Duke.
The Beatles continued to attract numerous admitrers who wanted to have their photograph taken with The Fab 4. I have to be contented with photographing them with other younger fans. The beatles were of my age.
The lock of hairs were unmistakable of Farrah Fawcett who died recently of cancer. I remember her as one of Charlie's Angels.
Margaret Thatcher better known as The Iron Ladies was once the prime Minister of Great britain. Here she is seen with the iron lady from Malaysia

Fatthiyah with the 43rd American President George W. Bush. During his term he invaded Afghanistand and Iraq.
Tony Blaire was the prime Minister of Britain from 2nd May 1997 to 29th june 2007.

Mahatma Gandhi.
President Obama was amused when this girl perched her feet on his table while pretending to be a President of USA.
Fidel Castro of Cuba when he was healthier.
John F Kennedy or JFK as he is better known was the 35th President of USA.

Jiang Zemin was the President of The People's repulic of China from 1993 to 2003.

We skipped the Tunnel of Horrors but we did the time tunnel instead. We were transported through the time tunnel by sitting on a moving chair that will turn around to face the was figures wherever necessary.


William Shakespeare will not ring any bell if you didn't study Englis literature while in School.

When London was devastated with the plague, the figures of dead mean in bull cart, depicted the era.

I cant relate the above two pictures.

Charles Dickens wrote Oliver Twist but I remember him more for A Tale of Two Cities.

The above wax figures depict the modern psychedelic eras.

The best seemed to be reserved for last. When we exited the Time Tunnel we were rewarded with the wax figure of MM or Maryln Monroe.


My wife was more interested with Lady Diana. While in France we entered the tunnel where lady Diana was killed in a motorcar accident while trying to escape the papparazi hounding her for photographs. What a tragic loss for someone so loved by the public.

It rained when we exited Madame Tussauds. Here the group was seen waiting for the rain to subside before we could proceed to Baker's Street sation to start our journey back to the hotel.

The Stautue of Sherlock Holmes created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was too attractive for me to resist. During my school days I have read most of the stories about this sleuth, well at least all the books about him that was available in my small school library. It was elementary my dear Watson.
Going down the escalator to the train's platform.

On the train.

At Bayswater we still find time for some last minute shopping for souvenirs. Things were definitely cheaper here than at Oxford Street. For those intending to go to London, save some money for shopping here.

Holliday Villa is a hotel chain owned by Malaysian owned ASB group. We only had fond memories of our stay here though I have read report of poor service at the check in counter when a roomed bought on the internet was deemed as not available. make sure you double confirm your booking. Should you face any problem, do not hesitate to ask for the manager who is a Malaysian. He will help you out.

The Lagenda restaurant will make you forget thet you were in London. Most of the food you missed from home is available here. You will wake up from your dream only when you have to pay in pounds at the cashiers.

Very ealry morning the next day, we took the bus to Terminal 3 Heathrow airport.

Here's the proof that we were really at Heathrow.

While waiting for our flight on Gulf Air to Manama, Pak Zawi befriended Phillip Smeed, a Briton going to work in Manama Qatar. Phil works for Commercial Management Consultants Ltd, England.
We were on our next leg of the journey home after a 2 hrs stopover in Manama. We still had a long way to go. The ground speed of 527 mph done by the Boeing 777 seemed to be too slow as I have seen all the movies on board. I saw Slumdog Millionaire an award winning film by Danny Boyle twice. The film won 8 of the 10 Acadamey awards it was nominated for.

The plane's fligh path showed we were close to home.

Some forms had to be filled upon arrival due to the H1N1 epidemic. The excuse of not wearing my spectacles allowed me to let my other half to do the form filling. All I had to do was sign the form.

Waiting for our baggage at the baggage carousel in KLIA. Thank Allah, all our begs arrived safe and sound.


THE PERILS OF PEOPLE PLEASING

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 03:00 PM PDT

Are you a people pleaser? Do you feel guilty or "selfish" when saying, "no" to other's requests? Do you put everyone else's needs ahead of your own in the hopes that they will like you or they will put your needs as their top priority? Do you worry about hurting other people's feelings if you cannot do what they want you to do? If so, you are a people pleaser and are probably on the way to depression, anxiety, or resentment.

Eleanor Roosevelt was once quoted as saying, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you are a people pleaser, it's likely you struggle with low self-esteem. If you will inconvenience yourself to try to please others, you don't value your own goals and priorities. If you don't respect the use of your own time, no one else will either.

I've said it before, but it bears saying again: 'No' is the most powerful word in the human language. When you can comfortably say, "No" to requests for your time, energy, ideas, and money, you gain the respect of others because you respect yourself and have good boundaries.

You are not a people pleaser when you have a solid "No" and a solid "Yes." What I mean by that is that you can stick to your guns and hold to your "Yes" or "No." When you can't yet say, "No" comfortably, there's no joy in the giving. Eventually you will feel burdened and resentful of the responsibilities you've taken on. You may want to blame or be angry at the other person who pressed you for your help, but you really did this to yourself. No one held a gun to your head when asking you to bake cookies for the church bake sale or coach the Little League again this year. Sure, they may have used flattery, i.e. "but you're so GOOD at this!" Or, they may have used guilt, i.e. "but there's NOBODY else to do this!"

Rather than succumb to the pressures of flattery or guilt, you could practice saying "No" gracefully. To flattery, you might respond, "Yes, you're right. I am good at this; however, I want to give someone else an opportunity to shine while I take on other challenges." To guilt, you might respond, "I know you've come to rely on me, and I am sure that when I step aside someone else, equally as capable, will step up to the challenge. Have you thought of asking _____________?" Or, if someone just makes a straightforward request, but it's at a time that's inconvenient for you, you might respond, "I'd love to help, but this is not a good time for me, as I already have plans." And, if you are not busy and you just don't want to comply with a request, you could always say, "I know you need help, but I am unable to help at this time." PERIOD. You don't need to make something up to justify when you don't want to help. Not wanting to is reason enough. If they press you as to why you can't help them, you can just repeat yourself, "I'm sorry, but I cannot help you."

If you are a people pleaser and you say "Yes" to a request, when the resentment builds up because you said "Yes" when you wanted to say, "No," you don't have a solid "Yes." To cope, you may back out of your commitment at the last minute, do something passive-aggressive, like "forget," or fulfill the request, but do so while being in a bad mood or do so poorly. It is better to have a solid "Yes" and "No" on the front end than end up disappointing people or appearing unreliable.

The other thing I want to say about people pleasing is that when we are sacrificing our own needs for those of others, that is NOT love. It is co-dependence. Putting others first at the continual expense of ourselves is not good for us. Giving to others, when it is not returned or reciprocated, is not a healthy relationship. It is servitude. There I said it!

Yes, of course, we want to please the people we love and who love us in return. However, when you are giving to others out of love, giving becomes receiving. It is not motivated by a desire to "give to get." Giving in this way is a true gift and requires no reciprocation. The joy in giving comes both from a sense of abundance, of having lots to share, and the joy in the pleasure it will give the other. You are both enhanced and fulfilled by the giving.

Author's Bio
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and seminar leader in Carbondale, Illlinois specializing in stress management and women's issues.


Chromes Themes Now Available

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 04:00 PM PDT

chrome-themes

If you have the latest version of Google Chrome, you now have access to a variety of theme's that you can use as your theme for the new browser in town. Head over to the theme gallery and get cracking!

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Chromes Themes Now Available


Papadom Filem Terbaik FFM22 - Afdlin Shauki The Best

Posted: 09 Aug 2009 03:42 AM PDT


Afdlin Shauki.

Filem Papadom arahan Afdlin Shauki, terbitan Tayangan Unggul mengondol filem terbaik pada Festival Filem Malaysia ke 22 di Kota Kinabalu malam tadi. - UTUSAN/Ghazali Basri & Shahril Azman Zain


KOTA KINABALU 8 Ogos - Filem Papadom arahan Afdlin Shauki yang akan ditayangkan pada 8 Oktober ini diumumkan Filem Terbaik dalam Festival Filem Malaysia ke 22 (FFM22) di Dewan Canselor, Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS) di sini malam ini.

Kemenangan Papadom itu melayakkan Tayangan Unggul Sdn. Bhd. membawa pulang hadiah wang tunai RM50,000 dan hadiah RM100,000 berupa kemudahan penerbitan perfileman.

Selain anugerah utama itu, Papadom turut merangkul empat anugerah lain iaitu Pelakon Lelaki dan Wanita Terbaik yang masing-masing menjadi milik Afdlin Shauki dan Liyana Jasmay, Cerita Asal Terbaik (Afdlin Shauki) dan Skor Muzik Terbaik.

Afdlin juga turut menambah kemenangan peribadinya apabila sebuah lagi filem arahannya Los Dan Faun mengungguli Filem Komedi Terbaik yang membolehkannya membawa pulang wang tunai RM15,000 dan trofi.

Ini menunjukkan Afdlin Shauki memperoleh kemenangan berganda dalam FFM22 yang buat pertama kalinya diadakan di luar Semenanjung.

Sementara itu, Talentime yang memberi saingan sengit kepada Papadom menggondol lima daripada 11 kategori daripada pencalonan yang diterima.

Karya terakhir Allahyarham Yasmin Ahmad itu menobatkannya sebagai Pengarah Terbaik dan Lakon Layar Terbaik.

Filem itu juga turut menerima Pelakon Pembantu Lelaki Terbaik menerusi kemenangan Mohd. Shafie Naswip, Pelakon Harapan Wanita (Jaclyn Victor) dan Anugerah Khas Juri.

Filem Setem arahan Kabir Bhatia tidak menghampakan apabila membawa pulang tiga anugerah iaitu Sinematografi Terbaik, Penyunting Terbaik dan Penataan Seni Terbaik.

Turut cemerlang filem Histeria arahan James Lee yang menobatkannya sebagai Pengarah Harapan, Poster Terbaik dan Anugerah Khas Juri.

Sementara itu bagi kategori Pelakon Pembantu Wanita Terbaik menjadi milik pelakon Salina Saibi menerusi filem Bohsia.

Hadiah utama disampaikan Yang Dipertua Negeri Sabah, Tun Ahmadshah Abdullah.

Turut mengiringi ialah Ketua Menteri Sabah, Datuk Seri Musa Aman, Menteri Penerangan, Komunikasi dan Kebudayaan, Datuk Seri Dr. Rais Yatim dan Menteri Pelancongan, Kebudayaan dan Alam Sekitar Sabah, Datuk Masidi Manjun.

FFM22 yang bertemakan 'Filem Malaysia ke Persada Dunia' dianjurkan Finas dengan kerjasama Gabungan Persatuan Karyawan Filem Malaysia (Gafim), Persatuan Pengeluar-Pengeluar Filem Malaysia (PFM) dan kerajaan Negeri Sabah.


Berikut adalah senarai pemenang keseluruhan FFM22:

Anugerah Perdana (14 anugerah)
Filem Terbaik - Papadom
Pengarah Terbaik - Yasmin Ahmad (Talentime)
Pelakon Lelaki Terbaik - Afdlin Shauki (Papadom)
Pelakon Wanita Terbaik - Liyana Jasmay (Papadom)
Lakon Layar Terbaik - Yasmin Ahmad (Talentime)
Cerita Asal Terbaik - Afdlin Shauki (Papadom)
Sinematografi Terbaik - Mohd Nor Kasim (Setem)
Penyunting Terbaik - Faizul Mohd Noh (Setem)
Skor Muzik Asal Terbaik - Syed Ahmad Faizal (Papadom)
Filem Komedi Terbaik - Los dan Faun
Filem Animasi Terbaik - My Telatori (The One Academy of Communication Design)
Filem Pendek Terbaik - Permata Bonda (Universiti Sains Islam Malaysia)
Filem Digital Terbaik - Aathma (Demaz Entertainment)
Filem Dokumentari Terbaik - Bumi Pribumi (Finas & Q-Plez Communication)


Anugerah Cipta (11 anugerah)
Pengarah Harapan - James Lee (Histeria)
Pelakon Pembantu Lelaki Terbaik - Mohd Shafie Naswip (Talentime)
Pelakon Pembantu Wanita Terbaik - Salina Saibi (Bohsia:Jangan Pilih Jalan Hitam)
Penataan Seni Terbaik - Nazrul Asraff Mahzan (Setem)
Penataan Bunyi Terbaik - Mohd Mohsin Osman (Cicakman 2)
Pelakon Kanak-Kanak Terbaik - Mohd Hadziq (Syurga Cinta)
Pelakon Harapan Lelaki - Zahiril Adzim (Kami The Movie)
Pelakon Harapan Wanita - Jaclyn Victor (Talentime)
Pereka Kostum Terbaik - Shen Imagineering (Cicakman 2)
Lagu Tema Asal Terbaik - Sayangku Di Sisimu (Jin Hutan)
Poster Terbaik - Histeria


Filem Box-Office - Geng Pengembaraan Bermula
Anugerah Penggiat Belakang Tabir - Omar Man
Anugerah Pelakon Veteran Wanita - Mariani Ismail
Anugerah Pelakon Veteran Lelaki - S.Shamsudin


Penerima Anugerah Khas Juri
Talentime
Kami The Movie
Histeria
Geng Pengembaraan Bermula

Bro Rick Says....
Tahniah kepada Abg Adflin Shauki kerana selama ini usaha beliau membuat filem telah pun dapat penghargaan yg cukup baik dalam kerjaya beliau, cukup hebat pengarah ini dengan hasil kerja yg tidak pernah mendukacitakan, aku memang respek dengan abg adflin shauki...chaiyok abg adflin shauki....


LOVE, CULTURE & TRADITION - MALAY STYLE

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 08:02 AM PDT

Throughout my life, I'd always wanted to attend a 'bersanding' ceremony. I had always been either too early or too late for the 'bersanding' ceremony which I regard as one of the most beautiful part of the Malay wedding ceremony.

Together with her family and invited guests including a number of former students, I witnessed a former student's bersanding ceremony in the afternoon. Honestly, Julie and Aziz are a very compatible and loving couple. Julie, whom I have known since 1989, has blossomed into a very dynamic, capable and charismatic young lady. Indeed, I had been waiting a number of years for this moment. The following infomation about the bersanding ceremony is taken from THIS LINK.

Malay weddings are grand affairs where the couple is treated as royalty. Weddings are usually spread out over several days, starting with the Henna-staining ceremony, followed by the Akad Nikah ceremony and ending with the Bersanding, which is the actual wedding day.

As soon as a man announces his wish to marry, an engagement date will be set when families of the couple meet to discuss the wedding plans.

The excitement begins three days before the wedding. On this day, the bride-to-be shows off her trousseau, changing five to six times throughout the day, as a sign of good luck. Her friends and relatives are invited to view her wardrobe. A day after this, the wedding ceremony proper starts with the henna-staining ceremony. During this ceremony, yellowish oil, extracted from henna leaves is applied on the fingertips of the couple by friends and relatives. It announces their forthcoming unity.

Akad Nikah
The religious solemnisation of the marriage takes place on the wedding eve. Known as the AkadNikah ceremony, this is required by both the Islamic law and the civic law to legalize a Malay wedding.

Bersanding
The actual wedding day is the Bersanding. This literally means the "sitting together of the bride and bridegroom on the bridal couch". Known as the Pelamin, this couch is the centrepiece of the whole ceremony, and two pelamins are required - one in the bride's house and the other in the bridegroom's.

As the Bersanding ceremony customarily takes place in the afternoon, the bridegroom entertains guests at his own house in the morning. At the agreed time, he is escorted in a procession with a hadrah or kompang band (male music group) to his bride's house.


On arrival, he has to pay a 'tax' in the form of money to the girl's family before he enters each door leading to the pelamin to take his place besides his bride. An astakona, a tiered pedestalled tray, is also placed in front of the pelamin. Each tier contains a mound of cooked yellow rice studded all over with red-dyed eggs. This tray will later be presented to the emak pengantin (a close friend or relative chosen to be the matron of honour for the marriage) as an act of appreciation for her help during the ceremonies. The groom then sits with the bride on the pelamin(dais).


During the bersanding ceremony, the bridal couple will be seated on the dais and sprinkled with yellow rice and scented water by family members, relatives and guests as a sign of blessing. Each guest will receive a bunga telur, which means 'flower' and 'egg' - a symbol of a fertile union.

After the bersanding ceremony, the wedded couple and their guests will attend a celebratory feast called the makan beradab. This involves the bride and groom feeding each other sweetened rice. The celebrations are later concluded with poses for family photos. As it was a double wedding together with her cousin, I had the wonderful experience of witnessing the beautiful and meaningful wedding ceremony twice! Here they are...the two beautiful happily wedded couples.


After this, the couple returns to the bridegroom's house in a procession. They are normally accompanied by the hadrah band, with men beating a rhythm on their kompang and reading verses from the Koran. The music proclaims their marriage to the world. At the bridegroom's house, the Bersanding ceremony is repeated for the benefit of the bridegroom's kinfolk. This is followed by feasting and merry-making, called the kenduri. The wedding celebrations come to an end when the bridal pair returns home to the bride's house to pay respects to her family.



Here I am with my former student Julie and her husband Aziz. I wish them a lifetime of loving, caring and sharing, filled with love, joy, lots of laughter and a lively brood of wonderful children.

Truly, this was an experience that I will never forget!


COPING WITH A SPOUSE'S ILLNESS

Posted: 08 Aug 2009 03:00 AM PDT

It's natural to enter a long-term relationship with expectations. And one expectation most of us have is that our spouse or partner will remain relatively healthy. Although wedding vows ask us to consider the possibility of sickness, we don't automatically assume our loved ones will suffer a serious illness.

"I felt blindsided by the diagnosis. So much of our relationship changed from that point on. There's no way to prepare for it because you never think it's going to happen to you. It felt like it came out of nowhere." ~Jennifer, whose husband Dan was diagnosed with leukemia at age 37

When Illness Hits Home

The reality is that many couples must learn to cope and adjust to a life-altering illness. Understanding the impact this can have on your relationship can help you adjust and adapt to such an enormous challenge.

Let's look at some of the ways in which a serious illness can impact you and your marriage/relationship:


1. Coping with a Sense of Loss

Depending on the nature of the illness, the sick partner may change in subtle and, sometimes, profound ways. The relationship that you once relied upon may no longer feel accessible to you.

Adjusting to such a major change can take time, and you may find yourself struggling with feelings of anger, despair and depression. It's common to feel anger toward the person who has the illness (which then may cause you to feel guilty). This is all part of grieving the loss of what once was the foundation of your relationship and life.


2. The Impact of Shifting Roles

We all play different roles in our relationships. And very often we end up with someone whose preferred role complements our own. For instance, someone who is timid and insecure may find him/herself with a partner who exudes confidence; someone who is highly emotional and spontaneous might be drawn to a more rational-minded planner; the natural caregiver may feel most at home with a partner who longs for this type of attention; and so on.

An illness can abruptly alter these roles and tip the balance that once grounded your relationship. The confident, take-charge person may now find him/herself in an overly dependent position; the rational-minded planner may have to relinquish control; and the caregiver may now need to be cared for. Such changes can rock the foundation of your union by forcing you to assume roles that are alien to what you've known most of your life.


3. Coping with Uncertainty

We all like to believe we're in control of our lives. When faced with a significant illness, however, the idea of absolute control is revealed as an illusion. Questions you never before considered now become routine: Is s/he going to be OK? What's going to happen to us? What should I do?

And when an illness interferes with one's ability to work, financial uncertainty can now take center stage—fear and anxiety are common as the once secure areas of your life give way to uncertainty.


4. Letting Go of Guilt

Sam began feeling guilty when he finally started spending time with friends and found himself enjoying time away from his wife more than a year and a half after she became ill. During his wife's rehabilitation, Sam rarely did anything for himself. As he described, "I had to come to grips with the fact that she's sick and I'm healthy. This wasn't easy. She's slowed down considerably and I felt bad because I've always been so full of life."

Sam continues to care for his wife when needed, but he has also begun taking care of himself. For a period of time, guilt-inducing thoughts flooded his mind ("How dare you have fun while your wife's sick?"; "You should be home with her"), but Sam was slowly able to realize that his guilt served no useful purpose. With the support of his minister, Sam was able to let go of his guilt as he began embracing life again.


5. Understanding the sick partner's emotional reactions

The person struggling with a serious illness is on an emotional rollercoaster. In one moment s/he may be grateful for your help and a moment later s/he may seem to act irrationally, no longer able to keep the fear, anger and despair in check. At times you may end up feeling berated, blamed, pushed away, and marginalized—despite your best efforts to comfort your partner. It's difficult not to take this personally. For your own sanity, it will be important to remember that you are not responsible for your partner's reactions and you will need to repeatedly remind yourself of this truth.

Remember that the partner struggling with the illness is adjusting to this traumatic life change and is trying to cope with fear and uncertainty. S/he may not even realize the impact his/her behavior is having on others, including his/her healthy partner. It's important for you to seek ways to understand your partner's unpredictable, tumultuous reactions; and it is just as important that you protect yourself from any emotional onslaughts directed at you.

A significant illness can have a dramatic and unexpected impact on your marriage or relationship. Some couples report that their relationship has become stronger because of an illness, whereas others continue to stumble under considerable stress. Having an understanding of the different ways in which an illness can impact you, your partner and your relationship is an important step in adapting to these painful events.



Author's Bio
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples build stronger relationships.


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